Toska
by rousseurlyon
Summary: Kate Beckett: independent, strong, stubborn and hard-headed. Years of living as a Castle have spoiled her and now, when she's faced with spending the night alone, she experiences a dose of nostalgia.


**Hello guys! This is just a little something that was inspired by some of the Castle/ young alexis prompts. This story is definitely an AU and as a forewarning, I know that if Castle and Kate had a child, Alexis would never be born looking like she does. But just for this sake and because it's AU let's just pretend, okay. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own these characters.**

 _Toska (Russian) - the desire for something specific or somebody, nostalgia, love-sickness._

Crisp air, shorter days and pumpkin-flavoured goodies mark the arrival of fall. Stepping out of the precinct, she pulls her jacket tighter around her small frame and treks through the herds of people rushing home for dinner. Flushed cheeks, she makes the three block walk to her destination because despite her hesitance with pumpkin-flavoured drinks, she's not quite ready to head home. Though you'd think after closing a week-long case that brought endless long nights and missed meals, she'd opt to head home.

Stepping into the furnaced building late in the evening, much to Kate's relief, the shop is missing its usual flow. No line, she reaches the counter and orders her usual-vanilla spice latte, plus a little treat. The young woman, who's become acquainted with Kate and her late night visits, greets the woman with a warm smile.

"Another late night," she chuckles as she scribbles Kate's name onto the cup.

Scrummaging through her purse for her wallet to pay and leave the girl a tip-for her college fund- she replies, "not tonight."

The young woman nods and she sees all the intentions of Kate waiting for her order so she shakes her head. "I'll bring it to your table. There's not many people tonight."

With a mumbled thanks, Kate sits in the table furthest away from any neighbouring nuisances and retrieves her current book from her purse, Castle's latest Derek Storm novel. Her coffee and dessert will be delivered to her table and with refills, due to being a 'regular', she's in no rush to go home because for the first time in years, Kate finds herself completely alone. Castle had left for a book tour two days prior and Alexis, with Kate spending many nights at the precinct, had opted to sleepover at Paige's tonight.

Settling in, she embarks onto the world of Derek Storm and the rest of the world vanishes as she takes part in his adventure.

...

Five chapters, one vanilla spice latte and a regular cup of coffee later, Kate begrudgingly returns to the loft. Dispensing her purse on the bar chairs and throwing her phone and keys in the bowl, she heads to prep a much needed-and well deserved- bath. With this case needing to be closed, there hadn't been much time for a proper bath. Arriving late, she'd jump into the shower and hop into bed, only to wake four or five hours later and repeat.

Castle's book and a glass of wine as company, she sinks into the scorching water. Bath salts, petals and flowers had been added for a pleasant ambiance. Her body flinches to the temperature, but a she eases in, her muscles relax. The tension, anxiety and stress of the week begin to dissipate as she settles with the chapter she's left off. If she doesn't drift off in the tub, she just might finish the novel tonight. It'd taken months to read a third of the novel and in just one evening she was a few pages from the end.

Juggling a demanding job and a precocious child doesn't leave much time for Kate-time. Despite her hesitance to become a mother throughout her pregnancy and the first few months after Alexis's birth, she finds that it's the most rewarding thing. But sometimes there just wasn't enough of her to go around; Castle needed her for a Derek Storm appearance, Alexis had an event or wanted mother-daughter time, and add being a detective to that all. Kate Becket was spread far too thin most days, but she managed.

Some days, when she hasn't seen her child except to kiss her goodnight after she's fallen asleep and she receives calls throughout the day from Alexis just wanting to hear her voice, she starts to doubt her competence as a mom. Those days, she wants nothing more than to whisk her family and hide from her responsibilities. Her husband though, knows exactly what she needs: how to greet and comfort her. "You're making the world safer for our daughter, Kate. You're setting an example. Yes she misses you, but she's so proud of you." He'll whisper into their bedroom. Her husband was a wonderful man, father and writer.

Turning the page she continues to embrace the solitude and as her eyes intake each brilliantly crafted word, the final traces of stress wash away. The case she and her team had closed had been high profile, and as a reward Captain Montgomery had ordered, more than suggested, for her to take a few days off to spend with that precious daughter of hers.

Precious and a hand full. As curious as her father and stubborn as her mother, the world was hers to explore. Her daughter she bore no resemblance to, other than in gestures and quirks, needed no excuse to spend time with her mother. Contrary to what Castle concocted in his mind, Alexis Castle was a Mommy's girl.

Thoughts of Alexis elicit a smile and it pulls her from the Derek Storm world and into reality. Her body is privy to temperature and she feels, more than sees, her pruning toes. One chapter away from the end, she bookmarks it and sets it to the side. Her stomach grumbles and it dawns on her that aside from coffee and a muffin, she's not had anything to eat. To complete her night then, she'll order some takeout-too exhausted to cook or heat up leftovers- call Alexis to wish her goodnight, and binge trash tv.

The food arrives promptly, and she tips the delivery boy a bit extra tonight. He's cute, a gentleman and kind of reminds her of Castle when they first met her first year as a transfer at NYU. Her phone beeps and her intuition tells her it's from her husband. She settles the boxes of Chinese food on the coffee table and as her phone notifies her of a missed text, she chuckles at the appearance of her husband's name. He's changed it to Good looking.

Just landed in Chicago, it reads. And a second one comes in within seconds. Miss you already.

She chuckles, and responds with something sassy, but as she leans back with her fried rice and sesame chicken, she realises there's something missing. It doesn't take long for her to realise it's her cuddly husband and snuggly daughter missing from the picture. Nights like these, take-out and a movie, are with her snuggled between the pair; Alexis digging at her side and Castle whispering dirty comments into her ear.

Setting her food on the coffee table, she picks up her phone and ignores the incoming messages from Castle. Either flirty or cheesy, but she'll answer them later. Make him suffer, just a bit. The click of the line reels her back to the call and as someone greets her from the other line, her body fills with an overwhelming urge to hug her daughter. Anxious, she asks to speak to Alexis.

That alerts the recipient to the identity of the caller. "Hi, Mrs. Castle." Kate winces. Paige's mom was always too chipper for Kate, but she was Alexis best friend's mom and Kate made an effort. "I was actually just about to call you." That alerts her mommy sensor. "It seems as though Alexis wants to come home."

Before she can offer to drop Alexis off or talk Alexis out of it, Kate offers, "I can come get her."

"I'll let her know." Silence and then," oh Alexis wants to talk to you."

She hears the phone switch over and then a very pitiful, "momma?" Oh Alexis. Her cries are a cause for concern. It's the first time she's had a late night call from Paige's mom of Alexis wanting to come home.

With that simple thought, she doesn't need to hear much more than that before she's chucking on shoes and grabbing the keys, mindful of Alexis on the line. "Hey bud. I hear you want to come home?" Her voice is gentle, cautious.

"Yeah, I miss you." Sniffle, "Daddy's gone and you're alone." Ah, so she's not the only one with toska tonight.

Though she understands the need to come home, she has to correct this and make sure Alexis is absolutely sure of her decision. Halting near the door, she rests against the bar as she ties her sneakers. "I'm ok, Alexis. You don't need to worry about me." She reassures with hopes that Alexis feels no obligations and responsibilities of taking care of her mother.

"Want to come home, mommy." She demands through sobs.

This isn't petulance or just a desire to keep Kate company. It's her daughter who feels alone. She won't leave her like this at Paige's. Her shoes tied and despite her best efforts of persuasion, she finds her way down to her car. "Okay, honey. I'm on my way to Paige's house."

"Love you," she cries into the phone.

Kate's heart breaks with every second that passes. Alexis's sobs don't quiet down and her need to comfort her daughter overwhelms her. "Love you too. See you real soon, okay?"

"'Kay."

And despite working for the NYPD, she's not mindful of the traffic laws. Her daughter calls for her across the city.

 **Thanks for reading**

 **-Jimena**


End file.
